God's Got It

17. Provision, Peace & the Wound of Not Enough

• Molly Rasanen & Jenn Maroney

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 1:03:52

What if your fear around money is revealing where you’re still learning to trust God?

In this episode of God’s Got It, Molly and Jenn have an honest, vulnerable conversation about faith, finances, scarcity, provision, and what it really means to believe that God is our provider — not just conceptually, but in our bodies, our nervous systems, our bank accounts, and our daily lives.

Jenn shares how the book of James has been deeply convicting her in this season, especially around double-mindedness, endurance, and trusting God in trials. Molly opens up about her lifelong relationship with money anxiety, stepping into motherhood, releasing the identity of provider, and learning to trust God’s provision in a whole new way.

Together, they explore how money can become a false source of safety, why peace cannot be found in a number, and how God often provides through unexpected people, timing, opportunities, and miracles we could never orchestrate on our own.

This conversation is for the woman who loves God but still feels anxious checking her bank account. The entrepreneur trying to build without making money an idol. The believer who wants to trust God fully but still feels fear in her body. And anyone who needs the reminder that money is a resource — but God is the source.

In this episode, we talk about:

  • How the book of James speaks to trials, endurance, and double-mindedness
  • Why money often exposes what we actually believe about God
  • The difference between God as provider and money as safety
  • Somatic healing, scarcity patterns, and nervous system responses around finances
  • How childhood stories about money shape adult fear and striving
  • Releasing hustle, force, and self-provision
  • Testimonies of God providing in unexpected and miraculous ways
  • Why peace comes from God, not from having “enough” money
  • Learning to seek first the Kingdom in real, practical life

Scriptures mentioned:

  • James 1:2-4
  • Philippians 4:19
  • Matthew 6:33-34
  • “Help my unbelief” — Mark 9:24
  • “Faith without works is dead” — James 2:26

If this episode speaks to you, share it with a friend, leave a review, and come connect with us. We would love to hear what God is showing you around provision, trust, money, surrender, and faith.

Because no matter what you’re walking through — God’s got it.

____________

We’re diving deeper into this work inside our free Living Liberated community—including guided somatic practices, nervous system education, and live calls centered around healing, embodiment, and walking with God.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Join us here!

Share the Love

If this episode resonated with you, we’d love for you to share it—send it to a friend, post it to your stories, or tag us so we can connect with you.

Your support helps us reach more women who are ready to come home to peace, healing, and God.


Let's Connect! 


SPEAKER_03

Welcome to God's Got It, the podcast for women coming home to God.

SPEAKER_04

I'm Jen and I'm Molly, and we're just two girls walking with God, doing our best to trust the process.

SPEAKER_02

Here we'll be talking all things faith, healing, and what it looks like to build a life in Christ as we navigate the messy middle of being human.

SPEAKER_04

This is a space for the raw and unfiltered conversations about seasons that test your trust, moments that stretch your faith, and stories that remind you, no matter what's unfolding, God's got it.

SPEAKER_03

Hello, beautiful people. Welcome back to another episode of God's Got It. Hey, hey! I guess as always, Jennifer, where has God got you today? Jennifer, ew, that was weird.

SPEAKER_04

I know. I was like, am I am I in trouble?

SPEAKER_01

You're in trouble.

SPEAKER_04

It's so funny. I always feel like whenever someone uses, and it's like Jennifer is a beautiful name. And yet, anytime I hear it, I'm like, whoa, did I do something wrong?

SPEAKER_03

Are you mad? You know what's interesting too? I don't have a name like that. Like Molly is just like that's my name. I don't have a full, like where somebody says that to me, it's never been this like, oh, like I'm I'm in trouble for something. So I do that to people a lot, and they're like, ew, why did you just use my full name?

SPEAKER_04

So do you feel that way though, if people usually like call you like by your first and middle name? I feel like I do that to you sometimes.

SPEAKER_03

Because I actually went through a phase of my life where I wanted people to call, like I loved my first and middle name together. So I went through a phase of life where I wanted people to call me Molly Rose. Interesting.

SPEAKER_04

It you know, I went through a phase where I wanted to go by my middle name. So my middle name is Nicole, and I wanted everyone to call me Nikki. I was like, don't call me Jen, call me Nikki. And it didn't stick, obviously. It kind of how we're kids, we like want to like change, change our names up and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03

You know, sometimes though, when people say like a different name for themselves and you're like, no, that wouldn't work for you. Like, I could see you as a Nikki. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01

Uh maybe maybe I'm gonna start calling you Nikki.

SPEAKER_04

Maybe that'll catch on in my 40s. We'll see. Um, where does God have me right now? Um, I was gonna say by the balls, which I feel like you said that in one of our first episodes.

SPEAKER_01

Always. I mean, always, right?

SPEAKER_04

But truly, um, that's how I feel in this moment. Like, and I know, of course, God meets me with such love and compassion and kindness. That's my own story, but I feel like I'm being pressed. Um you know, things are growing, things are dissolving, things are shifting in my life. I'm just and I'm just feeling this like, okay, Jen, we've been here a while. It's time. And I I feel like week after week, things are becoming more uncomfortable. My bandwidth is getting smaller and smaller, where he's just like, I need you to do something. Like, I've come, I've brought you all of the things. What are you gonna do with it? Um, so that's kind of where I'm sitting right now. And then to pour fuel on that fire, I started reading the book of James, um, which is just like eye-opening. It's only five chapters, but like every other line in my Bible right now is underlined because it's just full of fire guidance and wisdom. And like, bro, walk the walk, do the things that you're asked to do. And it's just like a slap in the face of like, whoo. So it's feeling very fire, and I'm like inspired. It's been a long time since I've been like excited to open my Bible. But this morning I was making my coffee at like 4:30, sitting down on the kitchen floor, like with my Bible in front of me, like highlighting and reading, like, oh my gosh, this is so good. So I'm I feel like on one hand, he's like got me to the fire, but also like giving me such nurturance with the word. Um, and it just feels really encouraging.

SPEAKER_03

So that's where I am. I love those moments where God guides you directly to the place in the Bible that you need to be for your life in that moment. I mean, I know you know I had that experience right before I found out I was pregnant, like literally the night before that God was like, Jacob, go to Jacob, go to Jacob. And I was like, there isn't a book of Jacob. Like, what are you talking about? Google, find where the story of Jacob is at in the Bible and was like, oh my God, you're so good. You're so smart. Right?

SPEAKER_04

It's funny because that's the same thing that happened with me. I used to um follow these online um Bible studies. And so I was kind of gone into our online community and was asking the women in there, you know, like, what are you reading? How do you read your Bible? Because I was noticing just like a lackluster in my in my daily, you know, um practice. And I was like, let me go back to that that that uh website and check out what they're reading. And then they were in the book of James, and I was like, man, I had to literally look in the table of contents. I didn't even know where James was, I'm embarrassed to say. And I opened it and within the first like few verses, I was like, okay, God. And it was all about like celebrating and thanking God in the midst of these like really challenging times that you're in. And it's just been it's just been medicine to my soul, like every single day since so he's just God's got it.

SPEAKER_03

Hano, Hano's got some of it. What are some of the verses or things in there that are standing out and how are they relating to where you're at in life right now?

SPEAKER_04

Um, okay, so the like literally verse two is considered a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. Fire, fire, yeah. And then as it continues on, I had to look the word up. I you know, I hear a lot of people in the online space talk about double-mindedness a lot, and so he references like the person um being double-minded and unstable in all their ways, and they shouldn't expect to like receive from the Lord when they're showing up in this double-mindedness. And so then I went down this rabbit hole of what does that mean? And really, it's this like sense of being wavering or undecided, um, or having like confliction in your mind within your thoughts and having insecurities. And I was like, ooh, I show up double-minded a heck of a lot of time. So I wrote down the definition of the side and I've kind of been praying and meditating on it for you know over a week now. Um, yeah. So if you have not read the book of James, first of all, it's in the New Testament, so you don't have to do what I did. Um, it's five chapters, but like I would just go all in on that and just let that let it bless you. Because although it is humbling and can feel overwhelming, it has just been so, so powerful for me this week.

SPEAKER_03

So I mean, and I feel like when you're when you're getting hit with a story in the Bible that's really reflecting where you're at in life, not just the places where you're all neat and tidy and doing everything right, but that it's actually like this is where you gotta look. This is what you gotta lean into, this is what you're learning about right now, that it is incredibly humbling, but it's humbling in the best way. Like I love getting slapped in the face by the word. I love when I come upon something that I'm like, oh ow.

SPEAKER_04

And you're not wrong. You're never wrong. Right? Yeah, 100%. And that's just literally been me, like day after day after day. Um, but yeah, I'm excited. It's been a long time since I've been, you know, and I I don't, I used to feel bad about that. I don't I've talked to my pastor about it a bunch, and I know we all go through these seasons of like feeling that lackluster in our in our devotional practice and meeting with God. And it's just so fun the way I've been waking up and just being like, I can't wait to read my Bible and uh and see what the next part is or the next story. Uh so yeah, God's been doing a work on me in that for sure, and I'm just really, I'm really grateful for that.

SPEAKER_03

So it reminds me of the verse of like seek and ye shall find, right? That of course we're gonna go through periods where things are feeling lackluster or kind of like I don't really want to, or you even let it the habit fall off, right? I mean, I'm absolutely guilty of having that happen when things start feeling boring or like it's not hitting or my eyes are closing when I'm trying to read. I'm just like, it just must not be time for that right now. But the opposite of that, what you did is like, how can I get re-inspired around this right now? How can I reach out to women I know who are in the communities that I'm connected to and find the places where I've had inspiration before? And that being a living prayer to God of like, hey, I'm not feeling super inspired or connected right now. Can you help me find a way to get reconnected and re-invigorated? I want to go back to you talking about that double-mindedness though, because it pertains directly to so much of the topic that we're gonna dive into today.

SPEAKER_05

Where is the place in your life where you're the most double-minded when it comes to God?

SPEAKER_04

I think fully trusting and surrendering that he's going to provide for me and take care of me.

SPEAKER_03

Sure thing. And I think so many people can relate to that. And we we've brought it up so many times on this podcast, but I'm excited to dive deep into the topic of money and provision and shine a little light on the potential of the paradigm where we actually believe and embody God's word and what he says about provision and about being the provider and about not needing to worry about anything the way that we do and how many of us, how hard it is for us to actually live into that belief, where it's not just like, oh, that's a pleasant thought that yeah, God's gonna provide, versus the embodied knowing that actually would create the peace in our life to stop constantly stressing about where that provision is gonna come from.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, and I'm I'm excited that we're finally gonna talk about this. I know when we did our very first few episodes, we had kind of talked about idols and we said we're gonna get back, and we very lightly dabbled in talking about money, but in that conversation, we were like, man, this is something so important to both of us and something that we are actively walking in real time with God. I think, especially now in our current season of life, with me starting a new insurance business, with you walking into motherhood, um, that it's like bringing up all of this stuff to the surface of like, where am I still being double-minded about this? Where am I saying, like, yeah, like I believe, I trust in God, but I'm still feeling anxiety every time I log into my bank account? Or like, how often am I saying, God is my provider? Like, I'm all good, but I'm still looking to money as my source of safe, you know, in my in my day-to-day. Yeah, yeah. So excited to see, you know, where where this conversation goes today. And hopefully it'll be, you know, same thing, like a blessing to the people listening. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

To everybody listening. I'll be the first person. So honest. Money has had me in a chokehold my entire life. And like, how many I want y'all not that we can see you, but like own up to it, raise your hand right now.

SPEAKER_01

If money has had you in a chokehold your entire life.

SPEAKER_04

I'm holding up two hands, and if it wasn't weird, I would put my feet up too.

SPEAKER_03

And when you really devote yourself to getting to know who God is for like to building and flourishing inside of that relationship in your life, this is one of the things that we really need to look at that a lot of people don't like looking at. Right. It's like, yeah, I'm gonna give everything over to God, but I'm gonna stay in charge of everything over here, right? And how we can actually turn to scripture to be this source of helping us really do the work, really have the experience of metanoia, right? Repentance, a changing of our hearts, a changing of our minds into the experience of truly having faith in who he says he is. And it's so beautiful to watch the ways that this is working through our lives so synchronistically, but so differently right now. Like for me, I'm being asked to really put down that hat of provider as I'm stepping into motherhood and really being asked to trust that God is going to provide through other avenues, aka my husband and his flourishing business, and that it doesn't all have to be on my shoulders and me be the one in control of this in order to fully be provided for. And I'm not saying that that's a season that every single woman, every single mother is going to go through. I think God uses our lives in different ways for different lessons, but this is a lesson that He really wants me to learn of like, can you trust that if you just rest into the season that I have you walking in to right now, that you have prayed over for years and years and years, that it will be enough, that you will be enough, that everything is enough because I am.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, and I read something the other day and I wrote it down, and it said, What you believe about money will expose what you actually believe about God. Right? Talk about a to your face. Like that one hit me so hard because you know, I want to believe and I want to trust, and I can't remember who it is in the Bible that says helped me with my unbelief. That's how I feel because I do deeply desire to have this intimate and trusting relationship with God. But if I'm being honest with you, I'm being honest with myself and everyone listening, man, like you said, money is the is my space where I'm just like still trying to strong arm this on my own and lacking in trust that I will be provided for.

SPEAKER_03

And so long as we are lacking in that trust, we cannot be provided for, right? How many places in the Bible does Jesus say, like your faith because of your faith? Your faith has made your you well, right? And when we are the ones blocking that provision from coming through because we don't believe, we are the ones continuing to stay in that spiral and that cycle of lack and hustle and push and force and the incessant need to keep reaching for more and more and more and more and more. And so long as you stay in that cycle, you'll never actually know the peace of God because you're seeking the peace of money, and the peace of money does not exist.

SPEAKER_04

I knew that when we went into this um recording this, I was gonna have a lot of moments where I was just gonna feel really uncomfortable and not not sure where to go and what to say because you're so right. You're so right, and and how my mindset around money and scarcity is not only a mental thing, but also like a body thing, you know, just always bringing back in the somatic part of it and like how I feel even tuning into my body about like even as we're talking about money right now, my armpits are a little sweaty. Um, you know, like even thinking about like how does my body feel when I open my bank account? Like I get that tight chest feeling, right? Or if you have a moment where you're throwing yourself into work, overworking, creating that like survival response in your system. Like if I just hustle more, if I just grind more, if I just put in a few more hours here and run myself ragged, then there will be enough. And it's just wild to me the stories that we will create in our mind and then reinforce in our bodies to keep us in this vicious feedback loop that there's never enough. And there won't be enough.

SPEAKER_03

Because the enough that we're looking for is him. He's the only thing that's out. And his promise is I will provide, right? We were looking at some Bible verses before we got started, and I actually happen to have this one actually written on a post-it note on my desk, Matthew 6, 33 to 34. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all of these things shall be added onto you. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Man, how many of us are sitting down and actually seeking the truth of the kingdom of God and what that really is right here, right now, not just in the afterlife, right? The reality of what Jesus is talking about throughout the gospels is that the kingdom of heaven is at hand. It's here. It's something that we can access now through our faith in him, through our relationship to him. And when we spend more time actually getting quiet, getting still and seeking his face and seeking his word and seeking his guidance, he will, I mean, I have spent so much time talking to God and God directing me to places that feel so uncomfortable. Like right now, it's dismantling and taking down every source of income that I've had inside of my business for the past five, six years at this point. And there's this struggle inside of me that's like, that doesn't feel right, that doesn't feel good, that doesn't feel true because that doesn't feel like the source of safety that I have had for the entirety of my life, which is my own doing, my own ability to create and provide and make sure that all my ducks are in a row and everything is taken care of, right? Which keeps my eyes set on tomorrow because I'm constantly thinking of like, well, I have this bill coming out next week and then rent due that week, and then this is happening this week, and I gotta make sure I'm setting enough aside for 40 years down the line so that at some point I can retire, right? Where God's word is like literally today. Seek me today.

SPEAKER_05

Your daily bread.

SPEAKER_03

I'm gonna provide you with bread for today, don't worry about tomorrow. There'll be bread there too, but stop worrying about it because I promise you that it'll be there. And so many people are like, but I'm not living that experience. But are you seeking him? Because you can't live that experience without seeking him.

SPEAKER_05

I love that. It's it's okay.

SPEAKER_04

What's coming up for me is like, yes, it's a hard pill to swallow. I I conceptually process it and and still know that I struggle in moments because it's like, okay, I want to believe this thing. However, when I log into my bank account and I see that there is this amount, how do I stay so rooted and anchored in in that knowing, in that truth? And I need to go back to the word. Yeah. I need to go back to the word. I need to remember what is said to me and like also remind myself that provision is not something that I have to earn. It's just like something that he is, like God is the provision, and he is not confused about how to provide for me. Even though when I look at my external reality, I'm just like, I don't know where this is coming from. Molly, it always works out.

SPEAKER_03

Right. That's where I was gonna go next with this.

SPEAKER_01

You were like, I need to go into the word. Yes, and don't come for me, y'all. But I think sometimes in our human reality, just reading the word isn't always enough.

SPEAKER_03

No, definitely not. Like, can you actually look back? And I used to do this vehemently when I was going through this work, and I have to say, this is a little sidebar, but I have gone from somebody who was consistently in tears about my finances, always in the red, like experiencing month after month after month after month of it just not evening out, it just not working out. And however, I can look back at that period of my life and say, like, but I was always okay and I was always provided for, and there was always food on my table, and I had a roof over my head, and I had clothes on my back, like I had enough. It just looked optically inside of my bank account like things were not working out in my favor. So, what I want to name is can you come up with some stories, instances, testimonies of times in your life where you were provided for beyond your understanding, beyond your effort? Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_04

And I like that you're naming that because that has been a practice I've had to start actively getting into. And as we were preparing for this podcast. Podcast, you know, I I was naming to you, there was a time in my life where I was away, right? We've I've shared this on the podcast where I was sentenced to 39 months in prison and I was stripped of everything, including money, right? So you think, and I've had so many people ask me, like, oh my gosh, like what happens when that when that happens? Do you fall bankruptcy? Do you this? Do you that? And do you know every single one of my bills was taken care of for the entire time that I was away? That makes me emotional. Think about. Um and that was not of my own doing. That was not of my own understanding. I have an incredible support system, you know? So um I had a best friend who paid every single one of my bills while I was gone. Um, I had an amazing partner as well as family that was putting money on my book so that even when I would be like, oh man, I like I want to go to the commissary and I want to get this thing, but like there's nothing in there, I would go on my day and there would be provision for me. And that wasn't me asking for it, that was just God taking it upon himself, like with the power that he has and the amazing people in my community to provide. And that's probably like my biggest one. And sometimes when I'm sitting in these moments of like frustration and fear and overwhelm, I almost want to just like smack myself in the forehead. Like, what else do you need? Like, that was the lowest point of your life. You literally had nothing to give. I was working a job, I think I was making like eight cents an hour. Like, what are you gonna do with eight cents an hour? They cut me a check when I left. I think I'd made like 23 bucks the whole time I was there. Like, I wasn't providing for myself. And yet I never went hungry. I had what I needed. I was able to talk to my family and friends, I was able to email and come home like ready to like step back into society without having this burden hanging over my head of like what do you have to rebuild now? Yeah, they didn't allow me to let everything else collapse. And if that isn't provision from God, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

Right. And like he's always going to show up in these ways that we can't explain, or that if we're not opening our eyes and our hearts to it, we're not gonna realize that it's a blessing from God. It might feel like a handout or you needing to ask somebody for a favor, right? But somehow, some way, we don't know why we go through the things we go through when we go through them and the lessons that they're teaching us, or the lessons or blessings that they're giving the person on the other side. Like Lee and I, in our 10 years being together, almost eight years of marriage now, we have had we have had more hard financial times than we have had flushed financial times. Like it is a lesson that we have lived through over and over and over and over again. And I remember one instance, we had just moved down to South Carolina and we had saved up a ton to move, but everything went into the move. And our intention, I had a baby business. I think my business was like less than a year old at that point. I definitely had some clients, but there were expenses in the business as well. Like we just didn't allocate really for how fast the money was going to go and how hard it would actually be for him to begin also creating an income down there. Um, and it got really hard. Like business bank accounts in red, personal bank accounts in red over and over and over again. And there was one month that we weren't going to be able to make our rent. And so we started running through like how who can we ask for help in this moment? And he reached out to his grandmother and she ended up in tears on the other side of the phone. Like, thank you so much for feeling safe enough to call me. Like, of course, absolutely. Yeah. You've got it. I'll send it over to you. Right. And now that could feel like such a failure to us in our worldly minds of like, I wasn't doing enough to be able to provide for myself. But again, in that moment, God was giving us an opportunity for her to get to feel that feeling that she got on the other end of the phone and for her to pour into us in that way and to recognize the reality of the relationships that he affected us in our lives. Right. Now, this doesn't mean that everybody should just be allowing their bank accounts to go into the red or getting sent off to prison so that they can feel the beauty of provision. But sometimes it does take being in those, those lowest, most down, most, I want to say shameful, but there it's not because they are shameful, because we're feeling so much shame in them for God to really show us who he is and the ways in which he will provide and the ways in which we actually always do have enough, and that we're not actually meant to be doing this life as individualized as we are all trying to do it all the time. And that it's actually that individualization and that separation that has led to so many of us feeling like it is so hard and we can't get ahead, and we're constantly struggling and striving and feeling a sense of shame when we can't do it all on our own. It just like gets me emotional to think about the reality of if we were to live in a world of actual unity under God and what that would really look like, right? Because you think about like one of the beautiful aspects of participating, being a part of a Christian church is how much the church is always doing to give. My church um works with an um organization called Serve All New York, right? And they are always collecting money, donations every single week, trucks and trucks and trucks of things for people who are falling on hard times, right? Food drives and clothing drives and all of these things to be a vessel for God to provide for these people. And I just imagine, like, what if the world actually operated that way?

SPEAKER_05

I pray that we get to witness that. Yeah. In our lifetime, that would be that would be beautiful.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And even even beyond that, right? I want to pour a little testimony into the miracle power of God because in these last six months of things changing so quickly for myself as an entrepreneur, for my husband as an entrepreneur. Like we have had times where we have things come up. I mean, I just became pregnant. I'm doing a all-natural home birth, which is a little bit more costly than just going through insurance and going to the hospital. But it's something that I deeply feel aligned with. It's something I've wanted my entire life, right? And that landed like a big excess bill in our laps for us to begin this level of care. And the week before we were going to meet with the midwife, we hadn't, my husband had just had an entire week off of work. We had no idea how the money was going to come in. But we were in prayer every single day. God, we know we know the truth of your provision. We know where you're guiding us. We know that it'll all work out. God forbid this isn't the way that we're supposed to go. We'll move in a different direction. And that day, my husband got a call for almost the exact amount of money that we needed in cash to pay for the midwife, right? And now it's just money changing hands. And we can live in this place where it's like, yeah, but we still don't have enough or we're not, we should have just had that money on hand to be able to pay her. But these moments, and we've had them time and time again, like I have a list of stories in a journal of these moments where God just came in at the buzzer and the exact amount that we needed showed up through through through whatever avenue, whether it be a package me selling for clients or my husband selling a job or him getting hired to work on somebody else's job. Like it has happened so many times in my life, and I'm so grateful for how much hardship we've actually had inside of our finances because it's strengthened my faith in the reality that God will show up and he will provide.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Um another verse that I wrote down was um Philippians 4, 19, and my God will supply all your needs according to the riches of his glory. And one thing I love about that is supply all your needs. I think sometimes we get confused and we get caught up in the comparison of how other people are living, and we have these desires, and I want to have that thing. I want to be able to do this, but recognizing that it's what are your actual needs on a day-to-day and are you provided for in those moments? And also recognizing that it's according to the riches of his glory, his timeline, right? His will, not mine. So even though I may be in here, I want it now, I want it now, right? Like I'm building this business, this insurance business, and it's like, I want it to happen for me now. Well, maybe that's not in God's timeline. Maybe there's some more, you know, work that has to be done here where he's working on my heart, he's working on my bandwidth and my capacity, right? I feel like I strongly believe too that God wants to make sure that we are amply prepared to receive what he is giving to us. And there are certain levels of we have to walk through ourselves to be open and able to receive the blessing that he's gonna offer to us.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I mean, I think about so many times in my life where you get on the train of becoming an entrepreneur and you are sold a lot of fast, hard dreams, right? Of like, just do this, just do it this way, just follow this structure, just X, Y, and Z, right? It is an endless sea of information and guidance that you can find on the internet around making a lot of money these days, right? And I can look back and be so grateful that I did not actually get to the financial place that I was trying to get to of my own will and push and force and effort, because then that wound inside of me that has made money my safety, has made money my God, would just be amplified and perpetuated for a lifetime. Right. So you can look at people who seemingly have it all, who have way more than they need, who have every want ever fulfilled, right? But they may not actually have the relationship and the faith with God that we're talking about. They might not actually have that godly provision that actually provides peace that we're talking about. So now they're living in a lifetime of trying to keep up that same level of self-produced outcomes, self-produced money, self-produced wealth, because their identity and their safety and their well-being is in that amount that they are at able to provide for themselves.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. And I think a lot of people will um, first of all, I it's kind of cool because I think I've also seen through the beauty of social media, you're seeing a lot of people who did build their business in that way now kind of coming out and being really honest of like, yeah, I had all the money, I had all these things, and I still wasn't fulfilled. And so they have similarly to you, they made the decision, like, I'm gonna burn all of this down and I'm gonna rebuild it with God at the center and and how differently they're showing up and what that looks like when you create um and you work from God being at the center versus like chasing after the money. And I I think the the Bible does have the line of like money is the root of all evil. And I think a lot of times people manipulate that to mean something that it doesn't. God isn't saying that it's not okay for us to have money. Money is not the problem we have, it's when we worship the money. So, like when you are in a feeling of contraction, where are you running for safety? Are you turning to money to create that safety? If I'm being honest, heck yeah, I do. It's still like a deep, deep um ingrained story in my system. But it's funny because if you were to ask me, like, well, how much would make you feel safe? Like, I don't know. Right.

SPEAKER_03

More than what I have. And once you get to that, maybe you come up with a number, right? I'd feel safe with $50,000 extra in the bank, right? Does that threshold keep moving so long as your safety is in the amount, right? Like I think our systems do then get used to whatever that threshold is, and then it's more and more and more. And now I need more and more and more in order to feel safe or sufficient or enough inside of myself, right? I think so long as we aren't actually taking the time to do the deep work in the wounds of separation from God, we can forever use money as an outlet to try and satiate the reality that we don't feel at peace with our faith in him, that we are enough because he says we are, that he is everything, and that we will be provided for. I want to bring it back to something you said earlier for all of our needs. In the Western world, we live in a society that is riddled with confusing want and need. Right? That like I can't be satisfied, I can't be happy, I won't feel like enough inside of myself unless I have everything that that person has, unless I have the biggest, nicest house and the newest cars, and the first class vacations, right? And social media perpetuates that feeling because you're constantly looking online and comparing the life that we have to the life that somebody else has. And I have to remind myself, and I've worked with my clients over and over and over again to remind them that you have absolutely no idea the emotional and internal reality that somebody else is living, no matter how much they have or how much they show, right? And so long as their joy is coming from the amount of stuff that they can obtain, it's not true joy because the only joy that actually exists is the joy that we can get from our relationship in him, his joy. And it sounds so it feels so crazy to say that like I'm so grateful now for the reality that like I live a soft and simple life. I live in a home with a low amount of rent that is not the biggest or the newest. My husband and I drive, we share a used vehicle. That's my favorite car I've ever had in my life because the payment is so low and she's so reliable. Right? I am so grateful for some of the sacrifices that we've actually chosen to make in our life so that I can move into this season and not feel completely weighed down by a mortgage I felt like I had to buy into so that I could keep up with where I'm supposed to be in the world or all of these excess bills that I haven't accumulated, right? Because we've decided that our time and our connection and that freedom that we have from all that financial stuff is actually more important to us than keeping up with the Joneses. And I pray for so many people to have that same experience of finding satiation and joy and the provision of need over want in their lives, because it has provided me with a level of peace I once thought I would only have once I had the big house and the nice cars and the luxe vacations and all of the stuff that I thought I needed to feel worthy, which is actually all the things I just was trying to get to fill that wound that only he could fill. And now that he's filled it, I'm like, oh, yeah, that stuff would be nice. And we're still gonna work towards more, right? We want more for ourselves. We have prayers for more, but it's not gonna keep us from feeling peaceful in the now with what he's already provided.

SPEAKER_05

So how are you finding that piece?

SPEAKER_04

I guess maybe just naming that for for the listeners, and I want to bring it back to the somatic piece because you and I both like really spend a lot of time heavily there. And um I said to you earlier, like even if your bank account is full, like your body feeling still still broke, and how oftentimes that like scarcity or not enoughness is a learned pattern and safety like in your system, right? So, like if safety uh or if money didn't feel safe growing up, if you felt like there were a lot of things happening where there wasn't money or there were bill collectors calling all the time and things like that, you know, what are the stories that live in your system that are kind of have equated money with danger, right? Or the not enoughness, or you know, I mean, you can think of all the stories, right? Like rich people are bitchy, um, like or no good. Like all of the stories that maybe you heard growing up or you experience in your system and how they still are alive and how they show up of keeping you in this lack mentality versus a trust mentality. Um, so actually bringing that full story. My question was like, what did you do to get to that space of peace and settled into like that state of trust around money?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I mean, it's no secret to any of the listeners now that I have spent the last five years deep in somatic work, unpacking those stories, actually looking at those parts and my pe and pieces of myself that were stuck in moments in my past, and just to shine a little bit of light on that, like I grew up in a family that didn't always have enough, right? Where our home was foreclosed on, cars were repossessed, lights were turned off sometimes, right? And and even that though, I can look back now and be like, but we always, but we always actually had enough, right? Like there was always enough. I was my needs were met, but the wants weren't always there. And they created a lot of deep stories around money and my own lack of worth when it came to money, or how hard it was to obtain money, or the reality that I would never have enough money. Like these are all stories that really lived in my psyche that were placed there because of my in my upbringing, right? And deep somatic work. If you haven't already listened, go back to last week's episode, the last two weeks, actually talking about the connection between nervous system healing, somatic healing, and actually allowing the truth of God to take up space in your body. Because again, I've spent the last five years in somatic therapy, in EMDR therapy, really looking at these realities of the things that I have lived through that created the programs and the stories inside of my system that were keeping me really stuck in a lot of those stories. And it's not a uh quick and easy, like do these three things and you'll be healed of it. It's a commitment to going in and devoting yourself to doing that rewiring work, doing that healing work, and then bringing God into it, right? Something that I do all of the time now because I am not completely free and clear of any money fears. Like I still have times where I'm like, just last month paying the midwife, I was like, where is this gonna come from? Oh my god, and my mind starts spiraling. I have to do this, I have to do that, I have to try and get something out so that I can get a quick injection of cash, right? And even though that part of me will come online, I am very diligent about meeting that part with like, well, what does God say about this situation? What does the word say about this situation? What Bible verses can I turn to and repeat to myself about the reality of him being the one to always provide in my life? And how can I place that next to prayer and get so honest with him? Of like, God, that part of me that's really afraid of not having enough and not being able to, excuse me, do things the way I want to do them, right? There was a fear of like, well, what if I don't get the home birth because we can't afford this? Right. And coming back to God is always going to provide for your needs and needs being the story that he has written for you, right? And a lot of the times I think kind of some of these deeper spiritual desires we have for our lives, not just to make a lot of money, right? But for me, this like I've had this deep connection to the experience of pregnancy and birth since I was a little girl. It's something I've looked forward to my entire life. And I have a traumatic birth story that led to me getting so interested in learning about home births and and that sort of thing. So I really believe that like that is a piece of what was written into my life by God, right? And because of that, he is provided for that need. Yeah. But in that moment of scarcity coming up inside of my system, like I said, I do, I'm so vigilant about what does God actually say about this right now? And can I get on my knees in prayer? Asking for what I want. I will surrender over to, but let your will be done. If it's not my if it's not in my story for what I'm thinking and the dream that I have to be the truth of what I experience, I trust that you're going to guide me in the direction of what is, right? So it's like a conglomeration of a lot of things, but a willingness to meet those parts and pieces and then also bring God in to touch those parts and pieces.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, and

SPEAKER_04

Naming the reality too that like life is so fleeting. And I have to remind myself in so many moments. Like, I can, you know, a job can fire you at any moment, right? Like the economy can shift. Like, even for people who like are in the market and investing in things like that, like clients can leave. We were just chatting about that. How I just like lost a client that was like $800 to $1,000 more. Like those things are going to happen. Like the life and the and the money and that like quote unquote safety that we're finding in that is so fleeting. But like God doesn't lose his ability to provide for us based on any of those circumstances. And if I could just get that to penetrate into my being and body, like as we're having this conversation, I'm feeling so convicted and like not like there's so much more work to do, but it's just reminding me of where I'm still attaching so much of my worth and my value to how hard I'm working and like how much money I'm bringing in. So it's like it's convicting but also encouraging. Um, as I'm hearing, you know, hearing you and I've I've spoken with other people about shifting, shifting that narrative, but like on a body level. Right. Like really getting clear on where did those stories come from? And we all have them too. I was just thinking, like, as you were talking, I was like, oh, another one I would, you know, money doesn't grow on trees. Like, you know, where are you gonna like? Why are you letting all the the air out of the butt air out of the house by opening the door and like just all these little like seemingly like I'm sure my parents weren't thinking when they said that they were gonna traumatize me for the rest of my life. But those are some of those deep stories that just are deeply embedded in your psyche and your body and how they become activated in those moments and create those stories. Like, yeah, money, making money is hard. Like, oh my gosh, it doesn't just like poof come up, you know, and like the the stories we begin to tell ourselves and how that puts us in a position of thinking like we have to work to be provided for. Now, I'm not, and not to say that there's like, I'm just gonna sit here and pray and like, dear God, please let me be a millionaire and a stay-at-home cat mom, and like poof, it's gonna happen, right? Faith without works is dead. Like, we're supposed to take a line of actions towards that, but having that full faith and surrender and trust in knowing that it's already done.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, and the reality is like what I'm thinking about as you're talking through that, embodied faith works. I mean, what we believe to be true comes true. And I've done a lot of work around kind of thinking about this. And why is it so much easier for people who were kind of raised in an easier financial environment to maintain an easy financial environment? And it's because they don't have those stories, right? And it's not like, oh, like good for them, must be nice. It's just the reality that they experience that didn't create those stories. They were raised in a place where money didn't feel hard, where it was easy. So now they are running on the programming of like money is easy to make, there's always more than enough, right? And then that creates that reality for them, right? And I'm not saying it's as like black and white and cut and dry as that, but there is so much truth and so much evidence to what we put our faith in is what comes to fruition, right? So if we actually do the work to put our faith in God that He will always provide for everything that we need, while simultaneously working through those stories, taking our faith away from the reality that money is hard, it's hard to come by, there's never enough of it, I'm never gonna be safe, I'm never gonna have enough, right? When we can do that work simultaneously, both the work in our minds and bodies and put our faith back where it belongs in God, like that's where magic happens. And and I know that I'm speaking this from a place of testimony in my own life. Like when I say money used to have me in a chokehold, I was an anxious mess about money all of the time. And my faith was in the reality that there will never be enough. I'm not enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I can't figure this out. So even when I had everything figured out and I had plenty of somatic healing clients, and money was pouring into my business, and I had more than I'd ever had before, I still was living in the reality of it's not enough. Right. So it was flying out left and right to different expenses and different things I'd find to spend it on because I was still living in the feeling, in the knowing, in the belief that there's never enough. But when we can do the work to release, to see, become aware of, and heal some of those parts and pieces of ourselves inside of our bodies, and then have the superpower of putting the word of God on top of it, you begin to put your faith in the things that He has said. My God will supply every need of yours. Seek first the kingdom of heaven and his righteousness, and all of these things shall be given unto you, right? And I'm experiencing that in my life now. I'm not a multimillionaire, I don't have dollar bills like flying all around me, right? Like I said, I'm living a really simple and humble existence, but I'm living in more peace than I have ever known before. Because my peace isn't in the amount of money that we're making or the amount of things that I have or keeping up with everybody else in the world. My peace is in him and trusting and recognizing all the places in my reality where he has always provided.

SPEAKER_04

What what just like came through my my brain in that moment was like, yeah, money is just a resource for us, right? Like a vessel.

SPEAKER_05

But God is the source. God is the source, the miracle maker.

SPEAKER_03

I think people can get kind of caught up in the like, but why are there so many people who don't have enough, who aren't provided for, who do actually live in that reality where there isn't enough for them. And I don't have all of the answers to that. I genuinely don't. If I did, I'd be changing this world that we live in, right? But what I can say is I have seen more miracle stories come from people turning towards and believing in that provision power of God than in putting their faith perpetually in how much they can push and force and achieve on their own. Right. And I have seen people, so many people, you mentioned this earlier, who put all of their faith in pushing, and forcing, and building and making that million-dollar company and then turning around and being like, I feel so empty. Right? Getting that to that place where they have absolutely everything and realizing that's not it. I think I've definitely mentioned this on this podcast before. It's something that comes to my mind every time I have one of these conversations with somebody. There is a famous speech from Jim Carrey. I think he's addressing like a college or something like that, and he's saying, I think that everybody in the world should become rich and famous and get everything they have ever desired so that they can finally wake up and realize that that's not it. And we see that everywhere. We see it everywhere, but unless we're willing to get really honest with ourselves and look at it, we are so programmed to believe that the more we have, the safer we'll feel, the more peaceful we'll be. And that's just not true.

SPEAKER_05

That's not the truth. That gave me that gave me chills.

SPEAKER_04

Literally. The Jim Carrey comment, and then your and then your follow-up. Um, but that's it, you're just you're just so right. We are just constantly on this hamster wheel chasing and having to have the next best thing and thinking that all of these things are going to satiate. And I tell like at the end of the day, we are all gonna pass on. We are all gonna pass on from this earth, you know. And and and then what? Like, will all of those things have mattered? Right. I I think sometimes, and I I I I've said this to a couple friends of mine who I have, you know, has have struggled with working too much, but I can lately I feel like I can put myself in this own category. Like, do I want my, you know, my tombstone or whatever, or people to say when I pass, like, man, she really loved her job. Worked like a dog, right? She was always at work. She was working her tail off. Like, no, I want to be known for my heart and like sharing memories with the people I love and creating those. Like, and I know we've named this so many times, like redefining what that wealth is. And it isn't this like monetary number, but like the experiences that we are having, the moments where we're, you know, unrushed sharing a cup of coffee with someone. Like, my best friend just came to visit, and we met this morning and we're able to have a meal together. Like, I'm wealthy because how blessed am I to have a friend that, you know, lives far away and comes here and it's like, let's go share a meal together and to catch up on life. Like that feels so wealthy to me. And those are the moments that I want to cherish and like cultivate for myself. And so, yeah, I'm just really moved by this conversation. And I'm always telling you guys, like, I'm a work in progress too. So if this is hitting you in your system, like it's not from a place of shame. It is from a place of like we've been there, we're walking through this right now and inviting you into something different, like recognizing like where are you gripping so tightly in your life instead of trusting? Where are you making, you know, decisions based out of this like fear instead of a place of obedience? Like, and what would it, what would it look like to really lean in and trust God in your specifically because we're talking about it in your finances before seeing the proof of it.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. And just reiterating that this is not easy work, right?

SPEAKER_03

I think it's easy for people to sit here and listen and potentially feel like we have something figured out. And like I I can say that at this point in my faith journey, I feel like God has helped me figure some things out, but the figuring out looks nothing like I thought it would, right? Like I was in tears talking to you right before this episode, speaking about this chapter that I'm moving into, and that there's six months before this baby gets here and what I desire my life and my reality to look like as a mother, and the grief around letting go of what I thought my business and my reality and my career would look like by now, right? I had these dreams for it to be so much bigger than what it's been. And the beauty of God is being surrounded by people like you, like my husband, who have reflected back, like the success that you've seen is the lives that you've changed. It has nothing to do with how much money is sitting in your business bank account now that this chapter is closing and you're moving into motherhood and you're making the sacrifices and the choices to actually be that present mother that you want to be after praying for this for so long, right? And there is such a deep peace in my system. But my day-to-day reality is still coming up against those moments and those parts and pieces of myself that are freaking out, that are anxious, that feel like it's not enough, that are that that don't have full faith in God, right? And they're still learning to catch up with where so much of my mind and body has gotten in my faith in Him.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

And that's and that's the work. Um, you know, oftentimes when I'm sitting in my practices and I'm really, I will like try to be visualizing the end of something, like seeing myself like when we were doing our, you know, planning for our retreat, and you and I would spend time like really sitting in the feelings in our bodies and the sensations on the other side of that, and what that would feel like, you know, us seeing the women leaving the retreat and the transformations and the breakthroughs that they had had and and the magic being in releasing the how. Right? Can you trust? Can you fully allow yourself to feel yourself in the space and release the how? And I love how you named that. It looks entirely different because God's plan is so much better than we can ever visualize. And I always love that graphic where you see the little girl and she's holding the flowers and she's and he's asking her to give them and she's like, but I love them. And behind his back, he has this huge bouquet. And it's just that always gives me such comfort and knowing when I find myself in these really like contracted or pressed spaces is like God has so much better plan for me. I just don't know the how yet. Can I allow that to be okay? Can I allow that to be okay and and and know and land in this space that God's got it? Hello. God's got it, God's got me, and I get to release the how. All I get to keep doing is doubling down in my faith, in my prayer walk, in my time with him, in my trust, in my surrender.

SPEAKER_05

And the how just gets to to unfold. The how is him. Yeah. There you go. Mic drop. Right?

SPEAKER_03

Like if we truly are walking the walk, it is to come to a place where we have full faith and surrender in whatever he is choosing to do in our lives, and that he is a good and faithful and loving father, right? That he's not going to create a life for us that is just pain and hardship, right? And I want to bring it back to, I think you have it written down the Bible verse about rejoicing in like the troubles in our lives, right? You said something. Oh, that was in James.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. You want me to go back to James. Yeah. James. Yeah. Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.

SPEAKER_03

And you guys have heard me if you've been following along for the what is this, our 17th episode, how many times I have talked about being in times of trial and tribulation and pain through my fertility journey, through my financial journey, through my marriage. And it of course it's now in hindsight that I am so grateful for those things because it is those things that have brought me to my knees in relationship to God that have built the faith that I have now, right? And it's like that's where that provision comes from. That's where that peace comes from. So can we work together to rejoice in the times that are hard, to lean on our people, to reach out to the gifts that God has given us in our relationships, right? The relationships that He is always pouring through, that He is providing through, bringing it back to naming one of your deep, your deepest, darkest moment in life, and that you were so beautifully poured into by the people who God had provided you in your life, right? And that none of these things get to impact our reality unless we are willing to slow down enough, look around, and actually accept them for the gifts that they are.

SPEAKER_04

This was like a really powerful conversation, and I didn't realize how much I needed this conversation as we were going into this. I was like, oh, this is gonna be such a blessing to so many people. And now as I'm sitting on the other side of it, realizing how much I also needed um needed this. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I have a feeling we're gonna have one-on-one like favorites, come back and listen to it a lot. Yes, I mean, yeah, we pray every time we're about to get on a podcast and just ask for like God to use us as a vessel, to be on our tongues, to really speak whatever it is that we need to hear, and that those who are listening and tuning in need to hear. So it's uh a beautiful experience to get to sit on the other side of a conversation and feel like, wow, that moved me so much. And like, if that's the blessing that we were meant to get today, perfect. And I just pray that it gets to the ears that are meant to receive it and that it gets to create that paradigm shift away from the incessant need to be chasing and the invitation into relationship and full faith in the truth of who he says he is.

SPEAKER_05

Absolutely. And that's the whole, that's our whole mission.

SPEAKER_04

So to everybody listening, I hope that you found value in this. If you did, we would love to hear from you. Drop it in the comments, reach out to us. Um, we're just an email or a DM away. Um, we would love to support you, answer any questions you have, or just riff on how much God loves you and how much God wants to provide for you. So as always, we just greatly appreciate you for listening. What are the things you say? Like, comment, subscribe, do all the things, whatever God calls you to do, you know? Yeah, absolutely. But you know, no matter what, we just hope that at the end of the day, whatever you're walking through, we just want you to remember that God so bad. That was probably the worst. Think that time. We try. Okay, guys, that's a wrap. If today's episode spoke to you, please let us know. Leave us a comment or reach out via email.

SPEAKER_00

If you know someone who would benefit from this message, please take a moment to share it with them and make sure to hit the subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

SPEAKER_04

Thanks for spending time with us today. We hope you leave your reminder that whatever season you're in right now, God's got it.