God's Got It

13. When God Makes You Wait

• Molly Rasanen & Jenn Maroney

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What do you do when you’ve been praying, waiting, trusting… and nothing seems to be changing?

In this episode, we’re talking about the waiting season — those wilderness moments where you feel desperate for breakthrough, exhausted by unanswered prayers, and tempted to wonder if God has forgotten you. We open up about the real emotional weight of waiting, from infertility and business struggles to disappointment, comparison, grief, and surrender.

This conversation is about more than “just have faith.” It’s about what God is actually doing in us while we wait: exposing our hearts, deepening our dependence on Him, teaching us gratitude, and inviting us into a peace that doesn’t come from circumstances changing.

If you’re in a season where the prayer hasn’t been answered yet, this one will meet you there.

In this episode, we talk about:

  • trusting God in the waiting season
  • unanswered prayers and wilderness seasons
  • infertility, business struggles, and surrender
  • gratitude, stewardship, and dependence on God
  • how God forms your identity while you wait

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Let's Connect! 

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to God's Got It, the podcast for women coming home to God. I'm Jen, and I'm Molly, and we're just two girls walking with God, doing our best to trust the process. Here we'll be talking all things faith, healing, and what it looks like to build a life in Christ as we navigate the messy middle of being human.

SPEAKER_03

This is a space for the raw and unfiltered conversations about seasons that test your trust, moments that stretch your faith, and stories that remind you, no matter what's unfolding, God's got it. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the God's Got It Podcast. It's a Friday. We're recording on a Friday. I don't know what day you're listening to this, but it's the sun is shining. I have a brand new Christian merch on, and I'm feeling good. How are you?

SPEAKER_02

What an intro.

SPEAKER_03

I just didn't know if anybody was gonna be watching. Anyone who's watching, you need them to see your shirt. I do, you know, I there is like a whole vibe with this new like Christian streetwear making Christianity cool again. And it says the heavens are roaring, and I was influenced by someone on social media. I kept seeing this ad over and over again, and I was like, all right, it's fine. It came through with some kind of like discount, and I said, that was Jesus giving me the go ahead, and so I got it. Now I'm wearing it.

SPEAKER_02

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, I agree. How are you today?

SPEAKER_02

I'm good. I'm tired, but I'm good. Grateful, you know, that again, I feel like I'm gonna say this over every episode, but that this gets to be a part of my workday, pausing and talking to people about my favorite thing in the world, which is Jesus.

SPEAKER_03

Isn't that such a wild thing to say? Like, I just reflect back on my life, maybe, you know, even seven or eight years ago. And if you had told me I was gonna be recording a cot podcast talking about how the deepest love of my life is Jesus, I would be like seven, eight years ago for you.

SPEAKER_02

It's like a a year ago for me that I was I just recorded a uh piece of content about that last week. The the hater that I had for people who were coming home to Jesus, and it's so funny now where God has me. And I just say every day, like I can't I can't help it. It's a supernatural experience. And if you know, you know, and I just want everybody to know. That's why we're here. I literally just want everybody to know the love of Jesus and the peace that you can have in your life when you actually let him in and move past a lot of these. I know we've been the past couple weeks, we've had a lot of conversations about like the kind of sticky stuff that gets in the way of us accepting Jesus into our hearts. And I really I feel the way that God is working through us as I know that you're not a newer Christian, but I guess newer to like fully giving your life over to God, right? There's a difference between being a Christian, following Christianity, reading the Bible, and actually fully surrendering into like, okay, God, lead every aspect of my life. And I give you dominion over every part of this process. Um, and I think God's doing a really cool thing through us here, as evidenced by people who are reaching out and feeling really moved and thanking us for the candidness with which we're having these conversations and with which we're willing to open up about the fact that, like, not too long ago, I was extremely judgmental of people who were sitting in the seat that I am sitting in, and I just I chuckle with God all the time that I'm like, I see what you did there. Eating my words, eating my words.

SPEAKER_03

It'd be like that sometimes, and that's and that's okay. Um yeah, it's been it's been a wild journey and adventure, and it's like once you know, you know, and you just want everyone to feel the excitement and the joy that you feel, even in with in the sticky moments. Like, I'm not saying like good vibes only, man, and we're only ever happy. Like, there are definitely seasons, and we're gonna lean into that here in a moment. Um, but the peace that can be found in that rather than finding yourself continually on this hamster wheel of digging and picking and healing and and the stressing and um controlling delay. Yeah, and being able to lay all of that down and have this amazing experience to lean into that is God. Um yeah, it's it's beautiful. I was just reflecting on this though the other day of like you know, we talk on here a lot about times where you feel a little nervous stepping in your faith. And you know, it when I'm finding that friends that are in a hard time or someone's kind coming to talk to me, and my initial instinct is just to be like, have you prayed about it? Like, don't you know what I want to say all these things? Like, don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_02

But we've heard of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, right?

SPEAKER_03

And then I'm like, whoa, is is that too much? Like, am I coming in too hot, you know? And like that internal battle of like wanting to meet people where they are, but also like wanting to stand in my boldness of like there is another way out there, and like maybe you've heard of it, maybe you haven't. Um, but yeah, that would just because I know we talked about like standing bold in your faith a little while ago, and that came up to that came up for me of like I think something that can kind of break the ice with that, instead of asking people like, hey, have you prayed about that?

SPEAKER_02

If you don't know if there's somebody who prays or has a faith or walks with God in any way, is hey, can I can I pray for you about that? Right, because even if they are not in that way in their own life, I think that opens the door of like, actually, yeah, that would feel really good for me. And I've seen plenty of pieces of content across the internet where people ask that question to people who are not of faith. And the people who are are not of faith are actually like it feels really good when people offer that, you know, even if it's not a part of their process yet. You never know what sort of seeds you're planting by willing to ask that question or ask it in a way where it's like, hey, I don't know if this is something you do, but it's something that I do. Can I be in this process in this way for you?

SPEAKER_03

That's a great suggestion. I love that. Yeah, I'm gonna do that for I have I have done that a few times, but typically I I have been on the end of like trying to give the have you heard of Jesus? Do you know God? Yeah, you know. Um, so yeah, that's really that's really great. Um okay, well, let's just hop right in. What are we what are we talking about today? What's on your heart?

SPEAKER_02

The waiting season. Being in faith in God, but when he's making you wait for those things that you're praying for, those things that you feel like you so deeply and desperately need, and kind of the work that he's doing through us when we are in that space, because I mean I have gone through a really deep, dark, heavy, scary waiting season for a really long time now. I don't know if I don't know if I've actually have I I had to have brought this up in my testimony that I was on a five-year infertility journey, and it's actually what brought me home to faith, which I think is what sparked my inspiration around having this conversation, because God literally used that waiting season, although it was extremely painful, as a powerful place to fortify my faith. Like he used that entire experience to walk me home to him, and I am so grateful for that, as painful as the wait has been. And you had named earlier in this conversation, just because we're walking with God doesn't mean that everything is all good vibes and rainbows and butterflies, and we're happy all the time. We do have a state of peace that goes well beyond our understanding. But I have found that in that waiting season, the moments where I'm on my knees in the deepest grief are actually some of the most tender, beautiful moments that I experience with God because I'm in so much pain, but I also feel Him holding me. And he's like, You can rest here. Like it's safe for you to have this pain, it's safe for you to have this emotion, and you can still have faith in me that I'm working all things for good in you. So it's a topic that's really uh near and dear to my heart and that I've been living out in real time.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, absolutely. And I think oftentimes we feel like when God is moving in our lives, it's it's fast and we're seeing growth and expansion. Um but as you've named there, I believe that God is doing some of his most transformative work in us during those times where we feel like we're waiting and we're praying and praying and nothing is happening, right? Because the invitation there that's coming through is like finding that dependence solely on him. Can I fully lean into trusting that he's got me in this moment, that he is hearing my prayers? Um, and I also love that you name that idea that it's not always going to be the rainbow and sunshine, because I think that we can sometimes, myself included, have gotten wrapped up in some confusing moments of like if God, you know, is real, everything, you know, is gonna be great and wonderful. Or we almost feel like if we're Christians that like we like favor, you know, like, well, I'm doing all the things and I'm following you, I've been saved. So like I get this like special privilege almost, you know, like that our life is going to be easy and there aren't gonna be these moments where you're sitting and you're on your knees and you're crying and you're at the end of your ropes and feeling like you're crying out and you're reading your Bible and you're doing all the things, and you still seemingly feel like nothing is nothing's happening, yeah. And it's it's in those moments that I feel, at least for me, that God is really shaping and working on my identity.

SPEAKER_02

So something I've learned through experiences of waiting, the wilderness, and that I'm so grateful today is the full embodied realization that oftentimes what we are praying for, the outcomes we're praying for, are actually our identity in God, right? We might be praying for abundance, or for me, praying for motherhood, praying for a baby and a truly what it comes down to at the bottom of the barrel is wanting to feel fully safe and fully satiated and whole and complete. And even I I think so often about the desire to become a mother and to pour my love into something and to have that love poured back onto me by a child, right? It's like even that we can seek it in God, and that's what God has showed me time and time and time again. Like, can you put even this, this deepest desire, this holy biological desire, can you put that on the altar and can I be enough for now? And I think that that's what he's trying to do with us in those waiting seasons. It's not withholding the things that we want for like to punish us or to torture us, it's to redirect us towards that wholeness in him, not wholeness in the things that we believe he's gonna give us through those answered prayers.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and it's like, what do you do though in those moments, like in the waiting when you are feeling this like desperation and and longing? Like, how do we get to that place of just fully allowing him to take over and give it all to him? And I'm just kind of throwing that out there. I don't even know if you have an answer, but that's like what came up for me.

SPEAKER_02

I think that the first thing that we can do is allow ourselves to be fully human. Oftentimes when I'm in those deepest moments of despair, waiting desperately for the thing that I prayed for as I'm watching everybody else get that thing that I'm so desperately praying for and having all the confusion and having all the sadness and having all the frustration about it, God often reminds me it's okay. Like I didn't tell you not to grieve, I didn't tell you not to be frustrated, I didn't tell you not to have fear, but I'm asking you to also have faith. Like you get to be a human, I get to be God. Can you put faith in who I am while simultaneously allowing yourself to have all of the human emotion that you're having about this thing and not make it wrong, right? Because a long time for a long time, I don't want to say a long time, once I fully came home to Christ and my fertility journey is a piece of what led me to my faith, right? I was on my knees. We have tried everything. Five years of waiting for pregnancy is a really, really long time. It's a lot of disappointments, it's a lot of months of getting your hopes up and then having your heart shattered. And um, that process is what brought me home to God. And in those moments of having my heart broken is where I found the most closeness with him, right? And I think sometimes people have this distorted view of like, if I'm not getting what I'm praying for, it must mean that I'm doing something wrong, that I'm being bad, that God is keeping this for from me for some reason. And I think the answer to that is kind of twofold. It's like God's not really withholding anything from you, but he will utilize the things you so deeply desire to draw you nearer to him. But I don't think it's like the speed that I can get closer to him is then the speed that my prayer will be answered. It's all of our prayers are actually a prayer to be in union with God. No matter what it is that we're praying for in the external, what it is that we actually desire more than anything is him. So he's using that waiting season to draw us near to him, right? I mean, I'm going off on a little bit of a tangent there, but I think the biggest thing is letting ourselves be human and letting God be God and fortifying our belief that he is God and we are human, you know, and like let him do his thing and let his plan work the way that it is meant to work. Let him be the creator that he is. And can we allow ourselves just the full spectrum of the human experience we're going through as we're living out whatever that plan is that he has for our life?

SPEAKER_03

I love that feels like such a permission slip to me. Um I'm reflecting back on times of like manifestation, you know, and all of that stuff when you're doing mindset work, manifestation stuff, and it being like, well, you have to always have these positive thoughts, right? You can't think these negative things, and that's what's creating your issues, right? I mean, go back to boss fame era, right, when everyone was trying to be online. It was literally like, you have to think that you're a millionaire and then you'll be a millionaire, right? Like you can't have any of those like thoughts of lack or this or that. And I'm not saying that there's no value in that, but I appreciate the permissioning of like, yeah, God knows everything that we're feeling. So me going in being like, yes, this is a thing, I'm just faking it.

SPEAKER_02

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I spent so much time inside of manifestation feeling like there, and I think this is where they're that's that's the darkness in manifestation and trying to play God and be the ones who create the outcomes in our life, is there's that spiritual bypassing there where it's like, don't look at the problems, don't look at the things that are going wrong, don't feel your actual feelings. Just train yourself to only feel this way, and then you'll only ever feel that way. And I just don't think that that's the experience that we are gifted to have here as human beings on earth. It's a full spectrum experience, and it always is going to be. And coming home to Christ kind of gave me back that permission slip of, oh, I can be sad, I can be mad, I can be, and it's not changing the course of what God is or isn't going to give to me in my life. I mean, I'm of the belief, I waver in and out of this, but I'm of the belief that it's already written, right? And that our only job is to get as close as we can in our relationship with God so that we can be fully surrendered to the experience. And that's how we live in salvation, right? That's how we live in the freedom of surrender, is getting as close as we can in that heart-to-heart posture with God and fully surrendering into faith in who he is. Because then it doesn't matter what's happening around us because we have full faith that he is working all things out for good. And I just see the power inside the waiting season if you can surrender into that. Like, can I surrender over these things that I want? We've talked a lot on the show about idols. Can I surrender over my motherhood? Can I surrender over the baby that I'm desiring? Can I surrender over the business I think that I'm supposed to build, the money I think I'm supposed to make, the relationship I think I'm supposed to have, right? Like marriage is another big one for a lot of Christian women. Can I surrender that over and put my eyes back on God and allow that relationship to be the thing that fulfills me no matter what, and trust that whatever his plan for my life is, is absolutely beautiful because he is the one who created me and created my life. Easier said than done.

SPEAKER_03

Right. That part. Um, yeah, but the way that God, and maybe you can relate to this, but the way that God is working on my identity through these periods of waiting, for me, obviously it's not, it's not motherhood for me, but for me, a big piece is like this popping off of business. I'm, you know, I'm in a new field and I've talked about it on here a bunch. I work multiple jobs, I don't want to do that anymore. And like I feel like I keep asking for God to, you know, remove one of those things or, you know, show me the way. And often it feels like I'm just sitting. And um, I've had to have some real honest conversations lately with him as well as some other people in my life, like you, um, and and noticing where where God is still trying to cultivate my relationship with him, where he's still asking me or, you know, having me look at, well, will you be a good steward of said thing that you're asking me for? You know, and that's a that was a hard one for me to sit with because if I have to be really honest with myself, I'm not the best steward of my time often. I'm not the best steward of my money all of the time. So here I am asking God to bless me in abundance so I can have all of this time. But he's like, you're not even doing the best with it right now, you know? Like, so there's more, there's more pruning that needs to be done here. There's more of you needing to, like you said, having faith um and a surrendered posture into some of these things. And, you know, you believe there's a God, but do you believe in God? And that hits me really hard because I can sit here and say, I believe in God, and I can tell you guys all of these things, but are there those moments where I fully believe and I have to sit with that and know sometimes I'm still trying to muster through on my own and not believe.

SPEAKER_02

So and that's when we get into the area of trying to force outcomes that God's not ready for us to have, right? I think a hard pill to swallow sometimes as human beings who are walking in God is that if he has you in a waiting season, he has you there for a reason. And waiting seasons aren't this passive process of just sitting around and waiting God for to work miracles in our lives, right? There is always something that we can be learning, or like you said, stewarding better. Nine times out of ten, and I have this, we've had this conversation so many times when we're begging for more money, we're very often not looking and being grateful for all that we already do have. I can't remember if I mentioned this on a podcast, but I had somebody, I think it was a sermon I was listening to, absolutely slap me in the face around the idol of money and abundance and what we have come to believe abundance is in our modern Western world. And he was like, if you are sitting here, and it was an online sermon, if you are sitting here watching this on a phone or a laptop, and you have the safety and stability to be able to slow down enough to watch this right now, and you have a roof over your head and you have food that you can eat, and your lights are on, and all of these needs that you have are met, you are in abundance. But we instead tend to look at our waiting seasons when we're wanting so much more for our lives as having a lack of something instead of using that as a period of time to actually get into a deep state of gratitude for everything God has already given us, right? Because we own nothing. God gives us everything, every experience, everything we own, every opportunity that we have is a gift from God. So, how are you when you are in that waiting season, stewarding, acknowledging, and being grateful for what God has already given you? And for me, inside of my fertility journey, and it's we're gonna have to do a whole podcast on this one day, but I started to realize that I was so much less than grateful for the beauty of the marriage that I had been given, and looking around at people who are in their own waiting season around that and being like, wow, I was gifted my life partner. A beautiful life partner so early in my life. And I've gotten to walk through all of these seasons, these hard seasons, having that person in my life. And I am not showing gratitude for that all because I don't have this other thing over here in my life that I want. So we used, we've used that waiting period to deepen into our marriage and to deepen into so much gratitude in that, right? Or another thing I often think about not being a mother yet is all of the sleep that I get to have and the freedom to do whatever it is that I want and to work on these things that I love. And I know as I move into motherhood, I won't have the same spaciousness that I have right now, right? So can I be grateful for and steward that time well? And I'm just, I guess, kind of curious for anybody listening who is in their own waiting period, no matter what it is, where can you actually find gratitude for not yet having that thing that you so desperately desire right now?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's almost like being in the waiting season really exposes your heart, right? Do I actually trust in your time in God, or is it only when like things are going my way?

SPEAKER_02

Do I only have faith when things are going my way?

SPEAKER_03

Right. Yeah, exactly. Like things are moving good, you're showing up great. Like, hallelujah, that's amazing, right? But I'm waiting and it's exposing my impatience. It's exposing my still um issues around comparison. It's exposing my fear, it's exposing my lack of trust, right? All of these elements of us sitting in the unanswered prayer, the waiting season is really giving us the opportunity to take a close, closer look at our heart and where we're still putting values, other things of value above our relationship with God and that trust.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I have a vulnerable question for you inside of that.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

I think it's one thing to acknowledge all these places that we see in our lives, right? You're in a waiting season around this piece of business that you're so deeply desiring, this certain level of success that you feel like is going to satiate something inside of you, right? But you're naming on this podcast all these different areas that are coming up of like, oh yeah, that's something to look at, and that's something to look at, and that's something to look at. But what do you do with those things? What do you do when the jealousy or the comparison or the not-enoughness or the lack, right? These things that are coming up because we're in this wilderness season, what do you do with them? It's one thing to see them. What is God asking us to do with them once they're seen, once he's exposed to them?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, absolutely. And I actually really enjoy this question because you said something earlier that I wanted to hit on, and it was that idea of not just sitting and waiting, but like God is also asking us to do the take-aligned action to address that thing. Um, so for me specifically, you know, your girl is always a work in progress. Um I have lots of relationship with God in my car. Um and these are just conver like I'm bringing all of these things. So when they come up, I'm like talking to him about them. Um, I'd like to say I go to my Bible every day when those things arise. I do not. Like I'm just owning that and being being honest in my humanness. Um I think sometimes my humanness pops off first, but then very quickly after I have a moment of like conviction in my system of like, hmm, that's interesting. Um, which I would be, you know, I feel like that in itself is a work and knowing that God is working on me because those are things that wouldn't have impacted me before. I would have kind of like popped off, gotten aggressive or like catty in my tone or something, or frustrated about something, and then left it there. I do know now that I'll have moments of those, but like my heart posture is different now. Like I will get this, which I now know to be the Holy Spirit that's with me, will kind of be like, hmm, I think we missed the mark there. I don't know that that was like we were our best self right there. And I do feel that calling to then come back and, you know, repent, correct myself, and things like that. Um, but yeah, I mean aside from I allow myself a moment of my humanness, as you said, but like bringing it back then to the truth. Like I think it's okay for us to sit in that humanness and allow ourselves to be angry and sad and frustrated and overwhelmed and anxious, but like God doesn't want us to live there and stay there. So what am I going to do to combat that in my mind and in my body? I'm only gonna do that by going to my creator. I'm only gonna do that by turning that over to him. I often go into like my prayer time or silent time, and I almost like I do this imagery in my mind where I'm literally everything that I'm carrying around, the heaviness, the frustrations, everything, the heartache, and I imagine myself actually like laying it down. And maybe try anybody who's listening, I would love for you guys to try that at home and let me know. But that visualization of like literally God being in front of me, and I'm just like, here's my anxiety, God, here's my debt, God, please take that one. Dear God, please take that one.

SPEAKER_00

I'm bringing it cheap.

SPEAKER_03

I'm literally bringing it every single day, 17 times a day. Um, but but also it's just like the real honest lens with yourself, right? Like we've talked about that a bunch. Like, I keep these things close to my heart. Hear God, you can have this. And for me, it's been an active, constant reminder of like, no, that's not enough. He wants all of it. I want all of you, not just these parts you think I can handle. I want it all. And you know, as I reflect on that, it's interesting. I'm saying it in real time. It's like how many earth-side relationships I've had where me being all of me was not accepted. And so I think there's this tie of there, like, that's why I keep some of it and try to control and be like, only let you see what I want you to see, God. Because I've had very earthly relationships where I've gotten the can you like quiet down? You're talking a little bit too much, or like, why are you crying? That's kind of pathetic. You know, like those dialogues where you've been told to only certain parts of you are allowed here. If you're the fun girl, if you're the happy girl, but gosh, don't bring your sadness here, we don't have time for that. And so recognizing how those earth side hurts show up in my relationship with God and having to like lay all that down.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

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SPEAKER_02

Well, and I think those earthside hurts are the things that he's often trying to heal us from and deliver us from in those waiting seasons. When you named the piece about getting quiet with God and having that visualization, literally, as you named, have that visualization. I was having my visualization of what it's literally like a throne room, and I see myself like bowing at the feet of God and placing all of the things at his feet. Um, and I think sometimes we often forget that power that he has and our ability to ask for that, right? So specifically, a big thing with me inside of my fertility has been jealousy, the spirit of jealousy, when I am watching person after person after person after person get exactly what it is that I've been praying for for five years. And something I only maybe in the past couple of months have even realized that I could do is not just acknowledge that jealousy, but bring it to God and say, Hey, God, can you help me in my heart posture here? Can you take this jealousy from me? Purify this from my heart. I see that this is here and I need your help to release this. Instead of trying to figure out how do I get how do I make it stop myself, trusting in the power of God to be the one who delivers us from those things. And um, I think sometimes we'll have to get into deliverance on another topic, right? Because I think people think deliverance is this big thing surrounding like having demons exercised from your soul, but it can be so much smaller than that of, hey God, I'm feeling I'm noticing a lot of jealousy here. I'm noticing a lot of shame or I'm noticing a lot of doubt and asking him to be the one who rectifies those things in our heart because he can, and he's not expecting us to do it alone. And I think the waiting season can be such a beautiful time to be in that deep devotional prayer and reconciliation with him and realize the absolute power of that relationship with him and what he can truly do for you, right? Like I know we said earlier in this conversation, the waiting season isn't a punishment, it's actually a gift. And that's something I am reminded of time and time and time again on my fertility journey. I look back over the last five years and I recognize how many beautiful gifts and blessings God has provided through me not yet becoming a mother. And every time I look back in hindsight, there's so much gratitude there.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's it's almost like the waiting season puts us in this posture of like full dependence on God.

SPEAKER_02

Which is what He wants, you know.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, right, and we're just making it so so difficult. Um, but yeah, I love that you can look through, I mean, and I have the same memories. If I can look follow the through line of moments where I was feeling like my prayers weren't being answered, there was something I deeply wanted that didn't either didn't happen, didn't unfold the way I wanted. But as I went, always when I'm on the other side of it, you can see how God has weaved through all of it and it made perfect sense. Even though it didn't in the moment, right? But as you reflect back and you follow the line, you're like, oh, I see what you did there. Cool.

SPEAKER_02

That's why I named that belief that I'm like, it's written. Like he wrote such an incredible story on each and every one of our lives, and that's hard to accept if you're somebody who's going through a lot of trial and tribulation. And and it's hard to accept, even for myself, to look back on how much trauma that I've experienced. And I'm like, really, like I want that on my life. And and I mean, there's aspects of the darkness and living in a fallen world and the reality that evil exists, right? Where it's not God writing like this horrible thing is going to happen to you at this age, so that you can have this formative experience, right? But he does have the power, again, to work all things for good. And I can always have such a level of gratitude when I look back over the story of my life and I'm like, wow, every single moment of everything I've gone through, even the most difficult things, have created so much spaciousness for beauty, and so much of that beauty comes from the faith I've almost been forced to now have in God because of how hard it can be to be a human.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And how how nice to know that we don't have to do it alone.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you, God.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you, God. I mean, I I put this up yesterday on my Instagram story, you know, like life being so busy, and I am navigating all of these things, and through all of that, still being so grateful to God and like the opportunities that He's bringing into my life. And even though where I want to be or envision myself isn't quite there yet, can I deepen my strength and faith and knowing that it's coming? It's already done. Right. I just it's not my job to figure out the how, it's just to continue moving on the step, being of service, taking the aligned actions that he's dropping into my system to develop my character, to strengthen my faith, like to stay in community. All of those things are helping me during my waiting season, right? To see how it all unfolds.

SPEAKER_02

To bring you into the exact experience that he has for you. I think about that a lot through this waiting season of the idea that I actually just put this in a Substack article I wrote this morning. The picture, there's so many different renditions of it, but the picture of Jesus with like the huge, beautiful bouquet behind his back and the little girl with this like one wilting flower, and she's like, but I love it. And I just so deeply resonate with that all of the time, how much control we want to hold over the things that we can see and what we think we do need to do and how we do need to act in order to push those prayers into motion, and how much simpler it can actually be when we utilize the waiting period to turn our eyes towards God instead of turn our eyes toward like keep our eyes only on when's that prayer gonna come, when's that prayer gonna come, when's that prayer gonna come, when's that prayer gonna come? Because for me, the beauty that's come out of this very heavy waiting season is that peace that is beyond my understanding that I have found in Jesus. That I wouldn't have found just in motherhood alone, I don't believe, right? I I fully wholeheartedly believe that what God wants from each of us is to live in as close as possible a loving relationship with us. He wants us to know him, he wants us to depend on him, he wants us to turn towards him and and live our lives in union with him. And these waiting seasons that we go through are a beautiful opportunity for us to be able to release those things that are getting in the way of that.

SPEAKER_03

That was beautiful.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03

So uh one question I was going to pose, but I feel like you maybe have already answered it, but I'm gonna answer it for myself is like emotionally, what does the waiting feel like emotionally for you? And like, what have you learned about God during your waiting season?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I mean, I'll paint a picture for anybody listening. I have had many a moment getting my period, falling to my knees in my bathroom and being like, I can't do this anymore, hysterically crying, like crying out in the deepest grief of how bad how much I am longing for this thing in my life. Absolute despair, like shaking, crying on the ground, my husband needing to come in and me literally repeating over and over and over again, like, I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore. And in those moments, I've had supernatural experiences of God meeting me there and being like, It's okay, I've got you. Right? And it's not, it's okay, I've got you, don't worry, this is going to end on this date, and you will finally become the mother that you've always dreamt of being, right? It's just, it's okay, I've got you. And that giving me the safety to actually fully fall apart in those moments. And that's what I want the listeners to understand. It's not about high vibes and keeping your spirit up all the time. It's about letting God hold you through every emotion inside of your experience and allowing yourself to have those emotions without being afraid that it's going to take you off track from whatever blessings you're meant to have, right? It's not about whether or not you let yourself feel that thing. It's about how you allow God to hold you through the feeling of it and trust even there, no matter what, God's got you. Right? It makes me think of the story of Job in the Bible. I just started reading this last night and I'm realizing now this is why, right? I do this thing with God where I'm like, where do you want me to go? And I've never read that story before. I've heard a lot about it, I've learned a lot about it. But I went in and started reading it. And this is a man who had all of the blessings that you could ever want, and then had all of it taken away from him and remained in full faithfulness to the goodness of God, right? There was doubt, there was fear, there was questioning, there was that wavering, but he never like smited God inside of that, right? And those waiting seasons where it feels like, why aren't you answering this prayer? Can feel so frustrating. It can bring up all of our anger, it can bring up all of our sadness. And I think a big thing that God wants us to know is like that's okay. You can feel those things and still know that I am good, and you can still have faith that I am good, because my goodness doesn't depend on the outcomes of what you're seeing in your life. My goodness depends on who I actually am, which is absolutely unchanging, ever present, always here, and even in those deepest moments of despair inside this waiting season that I've been in. Again, I want to reiterate for a long time, guys. Five years is not a small waiting period. Um, that's some of my closest, most beautiful moments have been in that falling apart and feeling supernaturally. I'm not just saying like I'm thinking about like, yes, I have to have faith in God here. It's supernaturally allowing myself to surrender into the truth of the experience of being held with by God because I had no other choice.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you for sharing that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Um, I was like, my body was viscerally responding to you um sharing your your moments of of despair, and that's it's so real. Like when I was when I wrote that question down that I wanted to pose that I was reflecting on my own journey, and yeah, like so much rage and frustration and angst, and this like getting to the end of your rope, and you're like, you know, some of the dialogue for me is like, when is it gonna be my time? Like, I'm so tired. Don't you see how tired I am? Like, I can't do this anymore. Um and and in all of that, similarly to you, like being met with that that like tree like energy, like immovable, you know, like he doesn't shy away from that. Whereas, like I said, some of my earthside relationships, when you cry, when you show that vulnerability or those that anger, people, you know, they don't know how to handle it. And so when I have those moments of of that um emotional release with with God, it's always met with such an unwavering energy of like, no matter what, like I've got you. Can you lean into that? Can you fully let me be there in this with you? When you're crying, I'm crying. And that's the thing, too, is like God knows all of our experiences, He's gone through them. You know, Jesus went through every single human emotion on this earth, right? Like that we have. He knows what we're like how we're suffering. I mean, look at how he was walking this earth, and people were calling him names, and you're a liar, and you're this, and you're that, and being persecuted for how he was showing up and sharing, like feeling betrayed or like left by his dad, crying out to him, like, please take this from me. So he gets it. Um, and when I think about that, like it brings me like almost to the brink of emotions of like he really is there in it with us. And I've just through all of that learned like what a merciful and amazing father he is. Like, that's what I've learned about him. Like, he's merciful, he is full of love, there is no like ridicule or criticizing or condemning. It's just like a please come here and rest and let me hold this for you.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Um, that got me, that got me my fails.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But I think sometimes as Christians, followers of God, we can get caught up in the idea that, oh, if I am of faith, then I shouldn't feel that if I really do believe in God, I shouldn't be in this much despair. I shouldn't be in this much grief. And I just I don't subscribe to that. I believe that God, like you said, is with us in every single one of our emotions, every one of every one of our moments. I don't think that we are meant to stay there, right? We're not meant to sit and wallow and stew in that emotion, but we are allowed to have it fully and completely. And what I found through my relationship with God is oftentimes when I invite him into that very honest moment with me, he holds me through it, but I also move through it much more quickly than when I get stuck in the emotion and I try to start figuring out like how quickly can I get myself out of this? What can I do to fix or control this situation so that I no longer have to feel this feeling? When God's like, no, feel it completely. Here I am holding you at the bottom of this, right? Because oftentimes in those moments, at the absolute end of our rope, we are at the absolute End of ourselves. And that is most often in our human experience where we are going to find God.

unknown

Right?

SPEAKER_02

If you haven't turned towards God yet, if you haven't surrendered your life fully over to Him, He will use those moments for you to be able to find Him where it's like, actually, I have no control over this thing at all whatsoever. I have tried absolutely everything in my own power and I recognize now that there is nothing that I can do without you. Now I'll surrender this over to you. And he's like, thank you. I've been here all along, literally waiting for this thing. But I love you so much that I will allow you to continue to choose being in whatever the experience is that you need to be in until you can find me in this place, until you seek my face more than you seek that thing that you think is going to take you out of this moment of longing or despair.

SPEAKER_03

So what I'm hearing, or what's kind of coming around for me, is like when we're in a waiting season or we're feeling like we're in a waiting season, it doesn't mean that God has forgotten about us. It's just like He's forming us. He's forming our identity. He's working on exposing our hearts. He's working on us fully finding that dependence in him.

SPEAKER_02

It's just not time yet.

SPEAKER_03

It's just not the time. And it's like not my will, but his will, you know, and that's the hard part for me. Because it's like, I want it now. I feel like I'm, I feel like if I got blessed with a half a million dollars, I would steward it very well.

SPEAKER_00

Everything would go with it.

SPEAKER_03

Everything would be amazing. And and we know that's not true, right? Like we've talked about that time and time again. You get the thing, and you still are like, hmm, I'm still feeling sad or I'm still feeling anxious. It's still not enough. Because it's still never enough. And it's not that thing we're seeking, right? That we think is going to create that safety in our system. Um, I'm certainly not saying that like wanting to have a partner and a and a family and a baby and the dream career and all that. I'm not saying that those are like lost prayers. I'm saying, like, at the end of the day, that union, that partnership you have with God, with yourself, and like that safety and assuredness you feel in your system is what's going to satiate at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_02

100%.

SPEAKER_03

And that's why so many of us can walk around, like when you see people who are deeply get you know in this beautiful devotional relationship with God, and you look at them and you're like, man, they're handling that so well. It's almost annoying, you know. Like, I mean, I I remember early on in my walk, I'm just being honest, like literally you'd be like going through a struggle, and like I named at the beginning, people would be like, Wait, did you pray about it? Like, it's cool, like God's got it under control. You don't have to stress, and you're like, cool, Karen, thanks, but like, I'm still stressing, and now like here I am on the other side of it. And it's like, there really is a truth in that. Um eating your words, like you said earlier, of like, okay, maybe there was something to that.

SPEAKER_02

There's a truth in it, and I believe so long as we are here in our human experience, our faith continues to expand, right? It's a devotional walk, and we learn more every day, and God is doing more and more work. We're not always reverting back to like that original complete contraction of lack, complete, like complete lack of faith. Um, but we waver, we waver, and I think every moment that we waver gives us an opportunity to turn towards God and deepen even a little bit more because so long as we're here, it's not, it doesn't end. And I've been saying this even since back in back from my days of being a spiritual healer, right? People would come to me seeking the answer, right? Of like after this three months or six months of us working together, like that's it. That's gonna be like you're my answer, right? And I used to have to name to people so frequently, like, I can give you the tools to learn yourself and the tools to connect to your spiritual sense of self, but this is a lifelong process, right? So long as we are here in this human experience, there's going to be challenges and we are going to have a flesh and we are going to have an ego. And yes, we can come as close as humanly possible to God through Jesus that we can. And I believe that that makes for the most beautiful human experience that we could possibly have, right? That's the gift that we are given by being in communion with Jesus. Um, but there's always going to be that waiver. There's always going to be those moments where you fall. There's going to be those moments where there's pain and there's loss and there's heartbreak. I mean, I've thought about it a couple times since uh we started this conversation. When you named the piece about Jesus came here fully as man, experienced every emotion. I think about the scene right before he knows he's going to raise Lazarus from the tomb, but he's crying in grief for the loss of his friend, even though he he knows. He knows exactly what he is going to do, right? He knows what's going to happen, and yet he still has that human experience. He weeps for his friend and for the pain that his family is feeling. And I just think that that's such a beautiful example of God showing us the beauty of our humanity, and that the expectation isn't to just have it all perfect and put together all of the time, but to consistently turn our eyes towards, lean on, and learn who he is so that he can hold us through it, so he can lighten the load so that we aren't doing it alone. And um, yeah, I don't know about you, but for me, ever since I fully gave it all over to Jesus, I'm still a human, life's still been hard, I'm still in a waiting season, and yet it's become so much easier to be wrapped in that peace that is beyond my understanding, right? I used to say to people quite frequently when I first came home to Christ, I'm like, it just doesn't make sense. Nothing has changed. I'm still in the same financial situation. I'm in an even scarier business situation because I was asked to put down everything that was creating an income. Like nothing externally in the form of what I have tangibly has changed, but I am in such a state of peace. And it's because it's a supernatural peace that is given to us by God, not a peace that we create on our own by believing in him.

SPEAKER_03

I'm very excited for when I get there, Molly. I think I'm still in the throes of my waiting, and like you named, I'm starting to notice that even though my eyes are not physically seeing like the changes in my bank account or more hours added to my schedule for free time, I mean, not like more work. Dear, dear, dear Lord, that was not a call for more work. Um despite all like not physically being able to see these things with my eyes, I'm still there is an element of peace, a newer peace that's there. Since I have started to say, hey, I can't, I can't do this, I can't handle this, I'm tired of stressing about this, so I'm I'm giving it to you now. Like I'm trusting. Um, and and there is a little bit of a lightness in that. And I think it's important that I'm continuing to steward well what I actually do have in front of me, right? Like you named earlier gratitude, huge, huge piece of this, right? Can I, in the midst of the chaos when I'm when I'm with myself, can I look around my literally in the room that I'm in, wherever I'm at, and find blessings, right? Oh, look, there's my phone. That's a blessing. Oh, wow, a fresh water that doesn't have to run through a filter. Cool. Blessing. Wow, look, there's air in here. I'm not like sweating profusely. Blessing. And being able to literally look at my current circumstance and be a good steward of that and be grateful for that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Um, I think that's like a huge component of like ways to navigate when you're in a waiting season. And so, like praying, like praying all the time. I have stepped up my prayer game so much now. Like, every time before I go into work or go into a dial session or an appointment with a client, God be there with me. Like, give me the words. You know, let me emotionally disassociate from this situation. Whatever happens, like it's cool. And I notice like a lightheartedness of myself going into it. I'm way, my system is way more relaxed, and it's just like a lightness, yeah, is the best way to describe it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I think that only grows the more that you attune yourself to it, the more you pray, the more you connect to God, the more you do find that gratitude. As you're speaking that, I act I have a practice I literally call thank you, Jesus. And I will spend an entire, I was gonna say 20 minutes, but I'm like, sometimes it's days where every single thing that I do, like, wow, I don't know why this is the first thing coming to mind, but like putting socks on my feet, like, thank you, Jesus. Like every putting food in my mouth, thank you, Jesus. Laying in my bed, think I thank Jesus every single night for my comfortable bed and my blankets and my pillows, you know, and I I pull that practice out, not when I'm already feeling grateful, but when I'm in the deepest parts of despair in my waiting season, looking around and training my heart and my mind to see all of the blessings that already are this life. Because I think another really important piece to land home here, when we are in the waiting season, it's not to fix our eyes on the outcome that we're praying for again, but to fix our eyes on God and do the work with him for him to be enough, whatever he does with our lives. Like I've had moments, I guess another waiting season for me has been my husband and I are both entrepreneurs. I've named so many times on this podcast, we've been going, I've been going through a massive business transformation over the past few months. Like we have chosen things in this life that are such a blessing because of the time freedom that we want to have and the way that we're choosing to um build our lives together, but it has made moments of extreme contraction in our living circumstances or in our finances, right? And I live in a little apartment right now, and I've had so many times where I'm praying over just God, I'm so ready to have like a light-filled home with a huge backyard and all of that. But in that, he's directed me multiple times to say, like, what, but what if I never give that to you? What if this is where you stay for the rest of your life? Can you be grateful here? And directing my heart to really be able to admit the places where I'm like, no, that sounds absolutely horrible. I'll be in such despair if you do that to me. And then reconfigure to like, I have a roof over my head, I have a safe place to lay down every night, I have a home that is so cozy that I get to come to every single day. I'm never worrying about where I'm gonna be, right? I have a home. So can I be so grateful for that? And can I also train myself for just this, everything that I have right now to be more than enough? Because that's when we get to start to live in the true salvation that God offers, right? Where everything you've already given me is such a beautiful blessing and it's more than enough. Therefore, anything else that you pour into my life is just extra, right? It's just extra. And I think that's another really important practice to have with God of really looking around at your circumstances and seeing where those strongholds are that you're holding on to, like I cannot be free, or I cannot be safe, or I can't feel good about my life until this thing happens when God is asking us to be so deeply satiated in just Him and everything He's already provided.

SPEAKER_03

So I guess the invitation at the end of this conversation for everyone listening is can you take a little perspective shift on your waiting season? Rather than looking at it as like, oh, like I'm constantly in the struggle, like has God forgotten about me? Can you look at your waiting season as a gift? A gift from God to find yourself in an active posture of trust to start practicing obeying the small things that are happening and occurring in your life right now. Can you be working on exposing those, allowing him to expose those areas of your heart that are needing your attention? Asking for him to come in and heal or transform or whatever we're needing on that, right? But like it being a beautiful gift from God to deepen into partnership with him, but also like getting to know yourself a heck of a lot better and who you are in him.

SPEAKER_00

Amen.

SPEAKER_03

This was good.

SPEAKER_02

This was good. I almost didn't realize until we started this conversation how much beauty has come out of that waiting season and the wilderness, you know, because I also want to name here just as we're closing out, it's one thing to have this conversation when we're in high spirits, right? When we've discussed the topics and the points and the things that we're gonna touch on. And it's a whole other piece when you're actually in those on-your-knees moments of absolute despair and faith feels so far away. So I just want to normalize as we're talking about this topic, I just want to normalize that as well that if faith is feeling far and you are feeling disconnected and your wilderness season is feeling really hard, that's okay. And all it takes is a moment of turning your face even an inch more towards God to ask him to come in and help hold you a little a little harder here, show you viscerally the reality that he is always here. Um, and it might not take away all that pain and it might not make that feel 100% better, right? But every single opportunity we take to ask, there is a bit of a blessing that absolutely will be given. And that blessing is just growing a little bit closer to him.

SPEAKER_03

It doesn't even say that in the Bible somewhere. I don't know where, but like ask and it's given. Um also, I'm just because you know, I feel like I am in a frustrating waiting moment right now, so I really can relate without what you're saying there about like you get it. And for me, um, for anybody who's listening who resonates with that, it's like, why not try it? You know, that's what I had to keep saying to myself, right? Like, you're a follower of God, you're saying you believe in God, but like, do you believe him? Are you believing these things are going to happen? And you've been trying to do it on your own. You've been trying to muscle through, you've been trying to navigate, figure out all the ways on your own, and it's not working. Look at you. Look at how you're feeling, how you're waking up, how you're going to bed. Even if I'm like not sure, Emily, like, why not try it? So, yeah, like that invitation being like Molly said, even if it's just can I turn my head a quarter of an inch and be like, I don't know, but Molly said this thing, you know? Let's go try it out. Yeah, because I will say, I will name that I was fighting that for a really long time. And like, since you and I have been on this journey together in business with this podcast with our ministry, and I'm like, I gotta walk the walk, bro. You can't be saying you're a follower of Jesus and you're not dropping to your knees and praying and doing all the things and really working on the things that he's asking me to do. And when I've kind of shifted that heart posture around that, I'm seeing changes. So it's like, get out of your way. Get out of your way and just see like why not? Yeah. That would be my parting words.

SPEAKER_02

Those are good ones because we we often stand in our way. All right, guys. That is it. That is all we have for you today. I hope that this hit you in your heart exactly where it needed to. If you are finding yourself in a season of wilderness, we say this all the time, but we are here, we are open books, send us a DM, hop into what our ministry. There are calls Monday mornings, Wednesday mornings, every other Friday. Um, and we are just going deeper into these topics and these conversations and walking the walk of the really real human reality of what it looks like in real time to be navigating these topics. And if this conversation hit you in a way that makes you feel something special, share it with somebody you know could use it because it is not without you all, the people who are here from the early days of this podcast, sharing it with those you love that this podcast grows to reach more eyes and more ears.

SPEAKER_03

Alright, guys, we'll see you next time. Don't forget, guys. Got it. Okay, guys, that's a wrap. If today's episode spoke to you, please let us know. Leave us a comment or reach out via email.

SPEAKER_00

If you know someone who would benefit from this message, please take a moment to share it with them. And make sure to hit the subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

SPEAKER_03

Thanks for spending time with us today. We hope you leave your reminder that whatever season you're in right now, God's got it.